With all the political and economic turmoil of late, I've received a lot of email from people wanting guidance to improving both their political relations and their profits. When it comes to politicians, they want to be smart consumers. The question most often asked is:

Hey, Ron! Which is the rest route to go in seeking to subvert the law to get a better deal on my government contracts, taxes, and regulatory waivers? Should I rent, lease or just outright buy my representative in Congress?"

All types of payments have their place and their advantages, which is why I like to advise using all of them, under the right circumstances.

RENT: Renting a member of Congress is perfect for getting that one-time favor, court ruling, or any other non-recurring event. You pay an amount agreed upon between you and the politician; the politician puts the whammy on whatever threatens your interests, and buries the cash in the azaleas.

LEASE: The proper situation to lease a congressperson is when you need support for a long-term project or when you need to hire several Congress persons. The typical lease runs from six months to two years, during which you'll be expected to make several payments through the laundering process the politician prefers--campaign contribution, library donation, PAC, or free home construction.

BUY: You should buy a politician when the issue is so important that it threatens your growing profits, multi-billion government contracts, even the continued existence of your company. At this level ante up big because the stakes are big. Take the recent vote by the Senate to kill a cap on credit card interest. What percentage of the people who voted for the senators do you think would like to see the cap pass?  How about...100 percent?

Thank goodness that senators, instead of voting the desires of their constituents, vote the cash of their contributors.  In the interest cap vote, a lot of the senators who chose to preserve the right of credit card companies to charge interest rates that would get a usurer stoned in the old days--a lot of those senators were Democrats. You know, the defenders of the little guy, the sworn enemy of run-away capacious corporations.

It just goes to show that the United States has one of the finest political pay-off systems in the world. Be sure to show your gratitude. And make it out to "Cash"